Feeding the Bite

A Counterintuitive Approach to Processing Trauma and Anxiety

Years ago, as a young social worker, I participated in a training session with the Crisis Prevention Institute (CPI). The training was designed to teach us how to protect ourselves from physical assaults by clients—a skill seen as essential for those in my field. One particular lesson stood out to me, not only for its practical application but for its profound metaphorical implications when dealing with traumatic events and anxious thoughts.

The Physical Lesson: How to Respond to a Bite

During the training, we were taught a technique for dealing with a very specific situation: what to do if someone bites your forearm. The instinctive reaction in such a situation is to pull your arm away, to retreat from the source of pain. However, this natural response actually increases the risk of further injury. When you pull away, the person biting down might instinctively clamp down harder, causing more damage.

Instead, the CPI taught us to counter this instinct. Rather than pulling away, you should push your arm deeper into the person’s mouth, filling the space, and effectively “feeding the bite.” This action causes the person to release their grip because the reflexive response to having the mouth overfilled is to open and release.

Fortunately, I’ve never had to apply this technique in a real-life scenario. However, the principle behind it has proven invaluable in a different context—dealing with the mental and emotional pain of trauma and anxiety.

The Emotional Lesson: Feeding the Bite of Trauma and Anxiety

Much like the physical response to a bite, our instinctive reaction to traumatic experiences or overwhelming anxiety is to retreat. We try not to think about it, avoid it, or suppress it. We distance ourselves from the pain, hoping that by ignoring it, we can somehow diminish its power over us. This is the emotional equivalent of pulling your arm away from a bite.

However, just as in the physical scenario, this approach often exacerbates the problem. By avoiding or suppressing our traumatic memories and anxious thoughts, we may inadvertently give them more power over us. They become entrenched, festering in the dark corners of our mind, ready to strike whenever we’re vulnerable.

Instead, what if we applied the CPI’s lesson to our emotional struggles? What if, instead of retreating, we consciously decided to “feed the bite” when it comes to trauma and anxiety?

Stepping Towards the Pain

Feeding the bite in this context means facing your trauma or anxiety head-on, but in a controlled and intentional way. Just as you wouldn’t step towards a biter without ensuring you’re in a safe environment, you shouldn’t dive into your trauma or anxiety without preparing yourself mentally and emotionally. It’s crucial that you feel safe and secure before you begin this process.

Once you’re ready, instead of avoiding the painful memories or anxious thoughts, you engage with them. You allow yourself to fully experience the emotions associated with the trauma or anxiety. Ask yourself:

What exactly scares me about this memory?
How did I feel during the traumatic event?
What did I see, hear, smell, or touch?
How did I know when it was over?

By consciously revisiting these questions and memories, you begin to lessen the hold they have over you. The more you engage with them, the more their power diminishes. This process can help reduce the physiological and emotional reactions these memories trigger, allowing you to process and integrate them rather than be controlled by them.

Incorporating Coping Mechanisms

This approach doesn’t work overnight, and it’s important to support it with additional coping mechanisms that help you manage your emotional and physical responses. Techniques such as controlled breathing, yoga, meditation, or other mindfulness practices can be invaluable in creating a safe space for this work.

Over time, by repeatedly “feeding the bite,” you may find that your traumatic memories and anxieties no longer hold the same power over you. They become just another part of your story—significant, but no longer defining or overwhelming.

Moving Forward

The goal of this approach is not to erase the trauma or eliminate anxiety entirely but to reach a point where these experiences no longer rule your life. By processing them in a controlled and intentional way, you can reclaim your power and move forward with a sense of peace and resilience.

So the next time you find yourself instinctively pulling away from painful memories or anxious thoughts, remember the lesson from CPI. Consider leaning in, feeding the bite, and see how this counterintuitive approach might help you heal and grow.

Life can be complicated, messy, and rarely progresses in a straight line. PeoplePsych is a Chicago-based psychotherapy group that treats adults seeking profound change in their lives. We provide services that affirm the dignity, worth, and value of all individuals. We strive to create a safe non-judgemental space for clients to explore the issues that bring them. To connect with one of our therapists, please contact our Clinical Coordinator at (312) 252-5252 or intake@peoplepsych.com.