You’re not doing it wrong.
There is no right way to grieve. Just as every relationship is unique, everybody experiences grief in their own way.
Losing someone close to you, whatever the relationship, affects how you understand yourself and the world around you. It might feel like as you’re moving through your life, so much is familiar but at the same time, everything is just a bit distorted. And at times you just want everything and everyone to stop.
You are important and your feelings matter.
Too often, it feels like you are supposed to pause briefly to grieve and move on with your life like nothing happened. But how can you since everything has changed? So on top of the grief, you worry that you’re pushing people away. Friends don’t know what to say – and others are dealing with their own grief. The world has lost its beauty and its hope.
There is help.
No we can’t erase your pain. We can help you process your grief on your terms and move through the pain of loss. Slowly you will start to feel the weight of your loss lift.
Dual Process Model of Grief
We see grief as being an individual process that focuses on two primary actions through which the mourner moves back and forth:
- Processing the actual loss
- Coping with the issues related to moving forward and making plans for the future
The Dual Process Model of grief demonstrates that it is healthy to experience grief in doses. Sometimes you will directly address your loss – sometimes you will more actively focus on life tasks and practical needs.
In therapy, the focus of the sessions moves back and forth between the actions. Our work allows you to process the feelings related to your loss, while at the same time taking care of your needs – taking care of your life. You set the pace. Some days your focus is more on your feelings of grief, others it is on your life and building your future.
You will still mourn the loss, but the weight of the pain is lessened. You start to have fewer bad days. Not that you are forgetting or “getting over” anything – you are moving forward. Your relationship with your loved one having evolved from one of acute pain to one more reflective of the totality of their relationship with you.