DARVO – What is it?

Deny, Attack, & Reverse Victim/Offender

DARVO is an acronym that stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It is a common manipulation strategy used by individuals, particularly those with narcissistic tendencies, to deflect blame and maintain control in a relationship or situation. Here’s a breakdown of what each component means:

1. Deny: The person denies the behavior or accusation. This is often the first step where the individual refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoing.
2. Attack: After denying, the individual then attacks the person who brought up the accusation. This can involve criticizing, belittling, or otherwise attempting to discredit the accuser.
3. Reverse Victim and Offender: Finally, the individual flips the script, portraying themselves as the victim and the actual victim as the offender. This reversal is designed to confuse and disorient the true victim, making them doubt their own perceptions and experiences.

How Narcissists Use DARVO

Narcissists often use DARVO as a defense mechanism to protect their fragile egos and avoid accountability. Here’s how they might employ this strategy:

• Deny: A narcissist might outright deny any abusive behavior, insisting that they are innocent or misunderstood.
• Attack: Following denial, they may then attack the victim’s credibility, intelligence, or character, suggesting that the victim is overly sensitive or fabricating stories.
• Reverse Victim and Offender: The narcissist might claim that they are actually the ones being mistreated, often with dramatic expressions of hurt or betrayal, thereby shifting sympathy towards themselves.

Impact on Victims

The use of DARVO can have severe psychological impacts on victims, including:

• Confusion and Self-Doubt: Victims may start to question their own reality and sanity, doubting their perceptions and experiences.
• Isolation: The victim might withdraw from others due to feelings of shame, guilt, or confusion, exacerbating their isolation.
• Emotional and Psychological Harm: The repeated manipulation can lead to long-term emotional and psychological damage, including anxiety, depression, and trauma-related symptoms.

Coping Strategies

If you find yourself in a situation where DARVO is being used against you, here are some coping strategies:

• Document Everything: Keep records of interactions, including dates, times, and descriptions of events. This can help you maintain clarity and provide evidence if needed.
• Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a mental health professional for support and validation.
• Set Boundaries: Clearly define and enforce boundaries to protect your emotional and psychological well-being.
• Educate Yourself: Understanding DARVO and other manipulative tactics can empower you to recognize and resist them.
• Consider Professional Help: Therapy can provide valuable tools and strategies for dealing with manipulation and its effects.

Understanding DARVO and its usage by narcissists is crucial for protecting oneself and maintaining healthy relationships.

Life can be complicated, messy, and rarely progresses in a straight line.  PeoplePsych is a Chicago-based psychotherapy group that treats adults seeking profound change in their lives.  We provide services that affirm the dignity, worth, and value of all individuals. We strive to create a safe non-judgemental space for clients to explore the issues that bring them. To connect with one of our therapists, please contact our Clinical Coordinator at (312) 252-5252 or intake@peoplepsych.com.