Coping With Failure

3 Steps to Move On

We are all acutely familiar with the painful pangs of failure – but we do not all know how to purposefully cope with failure. We may have “failed” at a relationship, a business venture or job, an academic pursuit, a financial investment, a friendship, or any number of other undertakings attempted. Our pride is hurt, our ego is deflated, and lingering feelings of self-doubt can team up with a crisis in confidence to seriously hobble us, at least for a while.

The truth is, we are faced with the opportunity to fail countless times in our lives – but we are not generally taught how to cope with the failure. If we are so devoted to avoiding the humiliation of failure that we never push ourselves out of our tidy little comfort zones, we will deny our inherent ability to self-actualize, to become the best version of ourselves possible. Imagine the regrets we would have when nearing the end of our lives if we never took the chance to grow and evolve by staring potential failure down and going for it.

Failure Hurts—But It Doesn’t Have to Define You

Let’s be honest: failing at something that mattered deeply can feel like a gut punch. When you’ve poured your time, energy, and heart into something only to watch it fall apart, it can leave you feeling disoriented and defeated. But failure doesn’t have to be the end of the road. In fact, it can be a powerful pivot point—leading you toward smarter goals, renewed confidence, and deeper personal growth. Whether you’re facing the collapse of a relationship, a business idea that didn’t pan out, or a personal goal that fell short, here are a few steps to help you bounce back with clarity and purpose.

1. Give yourself time to feel the fail—then get curious.

It’s natural to feel crushed after a setback. If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t hurt. So let yourself be disappointed. Take a couple of days to feel all the feelings—grief, frustration, embarrassment, whatever comes up. Be kind to yourself in the process.

But don’t stay stuck there. Once the initial wave passes, take a clear-eyed look at what happened. Were there warning signs you ignored? Mistakes you made? Or factors completely outside your control? Reflect honestly without spiraling into shame. Jot down what you’ve learned. Every failure holds clues for how to do things differently next time—stronger, smarter, and more aligned with who you are and what you truly want.

2. Reframe the story: You’re not a failure—you’re a learner.

After you’ve processed the disappointment, it’s time to shift your mindset. Failing doesn’t mean you are a failure. It means you tried something hard and gained experience, whether or not the outcome went your way.

If your confidence has taken a hit, that’s okay. Start small. Listen to a podcast that inspires you. Read something that challenges your thinking. Surround yourself with people or ideas that help you reconnect with your strengths. When you approach failure as a lesson—not a verdict—you begin to grow in ways success alone could never teach you.

3. Let the failure fuel your next move.

There’s nothing wrong with using a little pride as motivation—as long as it pushes you forward, not down. When someone doubts your potential (even if that someone is you), let that be the spark that reignites your determination.

Were you told your writing wasn’t strong enough? Take a class and surprise them with your growth. Lost a job due to a gap in skills? Fill that gap. Get certified, gain new expertise, and aim higher. The goal isn’t revenge—it’s transformation. The best response to failure is not to shrink, but to evolve.

Life can be complicated, messy, and rarely progresses in a straight line.  PeoplePsych is a Chicago-based psychotherapy group that treats adults seeking profound change in their lives.  We provide services that affirm the dignity, worth, and value of all individuals. We strive to create a safe non-judgemental space for clients to explore the issues that bring them. To connect with one of our therapists, please contact our Clinical Coordinator at (312) 252-5252 or intake@peoplepsych.com.