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Feb 13

Dealing with Loneliness Around Valentine’s Day

It’s happened again….Valentine’s day.

We originally published this post just before the pandemic changed everything.  But time marches on and here we are again.

For many people Valentine’s Day means celebrating with their spouse or partner and showing them extra love and attention. But for others, Valentine’s Day is a sad reminder that they are single or are perhaps grieving the recent loss of their significant other.

If you are celebrating it alone this year, here are a few ways you can alleviate your sadness this Valentine’s Day.

Give Yourself a Break

It’s bad enough to feel lonely, but it’s even worse to scold yourself for doing so. Loneliness is not an indication that you’re doing anything wrong or that there is something wrong and unlovable about you.

Even people that are in relationships can feel incredibly lonely. Loneliness affects everyone at some point in their life. It’s not a sin to feel this way, so stop scolding yourself.

Take Yourself on a Date

How many times during the year do you make a real effort to show yourself love? If you’re like most people, you don’t really think much about how you treat yourself.

This Valentine’s Day, if you find yourself a party of one, try and make the best of it by focusing all of your love and attention on yourself. Take yourself out to a nice dinner. Or, if you don’t like the idea of sitting at a table alone surrounded by couples, then order in your favorite food and watch your favorite movie.

Take a nice long bath. Listen to your favorite band. Buy yourself a little gift on the way home from work. Use this Valentine’s Day to commit to showing yourself more love and kindness throughout the year.

Show Your Love for Others

Valentine’s Day is a holiday to show love. No one says that love must be shown in a romantic way.

This is a great time to show your affection and appreciation for the wonderful people in your life. Get your best friend a box of chocolates or your mom a bouquet of flowers. Put a card on your neighbor’s windshield and your coworker’s computer monitor.

You can be filled with love by being loved, and you can be filled with love by loving others. The more love YOU show this holiday, the more love you will feel inside. And you would be amazed at how the loneliness quickly slips away when you are full of love.

Still Want to Do Something Specific to the Day?

Sometimes it still doesn’t feel good to ignore the “specialness” of the evening – regardless of the positive steps described above.  But rest assured there are still Valentine’s Day events for those not spending the evening in a more traditional manner.

Singles Events

Do you still want to make February 14th a special relationship day -how about a singles event?

Nothing better when you’re feeling conspicuous about not having a date for the big day than joining others who are unattached as well.

A cursory google search ‘chicago valentines day single’ lists a singles Valentine’s Day event for just about every Chicagoan.

Stupid Cupid and Anti-Valentines Day Events

Every year, thousands of people (single or attached) mark the day by participating in a Stupid Cupid Anti-Valentines Day event.  You can find a number of planned events throughout Chicago or host your own Anti-Valentines day party.

Remember an anti celebration is still a celebration so you’ll a special playlist for the Stupid Cupid/Anti-Valentine’s evening, so remember to start compiling it now!

Most Important Thing You Can Do

Don’t let the commercialism of the holiday make you feel alone and isolated.

PeoplePsych therapist, Carolyn Cole, notes that often we look for others to make our lives complete, which in reality another person really can’t do.  Valentine’s Day has almost become a beacon of who thinks they have such a person.  But you are not broken or less-than just because you don’t have someone working to create a magical day with you.  You should go ahead and celebrate it however you wish.


If you choose to mark the day, you really can have a lovely Valentine’s day – as long as you look at it as an opportunity to celebrate who you are in a way that is important to you.

Life can be complicated, messy, and rarely progresses in a straight line.  PeoplePsych is a Chicago-based psychotherapy group that treats adults seeking profound change in their lives.  We provide services that affirm the dignity, worth, and value of all individuals. We strive to create a safe non-judgemental space for clients to explore the issues that bring them. To connect with one of our therapists, please contact our Clinical Coordinator at (312) 252-5252 or