Roots of Borderline Personality Disorder
Growing up in an environment perceived as invalidating is one factor commonly discussed as contributing to the development of borderline personality disorder (BPD). But what does this mean?
An Invalidating Environment
In this sense, to invalidate means to attack or question the foundation or reality of a person’s feelings. This can be done through denying, ridiculing, ignoring, or judging someone else’s feelings. Regardless of the means, the effect is clear: the person’s feelings are “wrong.”
An childhood environment perceived as invalidating generally means that the child grows up feeling that his emotional responses are not correct or considered in the regular course of things. Over time, this can result in confusion and a general distrust of a their own emotions.
An invalidating environment is not the same thing as an abusive environment, although abusive relationships are certainly invalidating.
Invalidation can be quite subtle and may reflect a general way of interacting.
Validation vs. Praise
Validation is not the same thing as praise; it is more an acknowledgement of the person, whereas praise is just a compliment. To validate someone is to acknowledge the feelings involved, regardless of whether you agree with how the other person is feeling or not.
Praise addresses the action or behavior without addressing the emotion behind it. It can be that, although a child’s behavior is acknowledged and reinforced, the effort or negative feeling is not addressed. This can cause the child to feel that his total experience is not accepted, and even dismissed.
A young child goes into the classroom by herself on the first day of school, although she is scared. Praising her would be a simple, “Good job!” On the other hand, “You were so brave to go in even though you were scared. It couldn’t have been easy. What a good job you did,” validates the troubling feelings, remarks on the effort overcoming those feelings took, and praises the effort.
It is possible to praise while being invalidating at the same time: “Good job. Now don’t you see how silly you were being?” This response invalidates the feelings the child was having by calling them “silly,” despite the praising of the behavior.
Perceived As Invalidating
It is important to remember that people tend to experience relationships and interactions differently. This means that what one person experiences as an invalidating environment is not necessarily experienced as such by another. It is possible that individual temperaments affect a person’s general sensitivity to invalidation, but everyone has times when they are more vulnerable or sensitive.
It is important to note, however, that invalidation — as it relates to the development of borderline personality disorder — is not a periodic experience, but a pervasive one.
Linehan, MM (1993). “Skills Training Manual For Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder.” New York: Guilford Press.
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